Crazy

September 28, 2006

Being crazy is holding onto pain.

The greater the time elapsed between the hurt and expressing it, the crazier I am.

Unforgiven hurt fuels angry fantasies that make me doubt myself and infect my thinking with unspeakable retaliation, bad dreams, and an uneasiness of my soul.

I feel especially crazy when I doubt my goodness, for then I will always be lost and the center of my life no longer holds.

The time I seem craziest to others is when I vacillate before making a decision.

Crazy is being torn between two masters, two conflicting ideals.

amberlight.gif

“Can I be for myself without alienating you and risk losing your love?”

I never feel more crazy than when people lie to me.

And when people lie about loving me, they hurt me the most.

Being crazy is not knowing what to believe.

There is no imprisonment worse than being bound to a crazy person, for then I can only be real by paying a price.

The way to become crazy is to try to please everyone all the time.

The only freedom from craziness is telling the truth.

Note: Only my voice can tell my truth. Only my truth can heal my world.

Painting: ”Amber Light” by Aldo Luongo.  

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14 Responses to “Crazy”

  1. Kyels Says:

    You should not please others before pleasing yourself. And no, you are not crazy, my friend. Sometimes when we think too much we feel tired, hence the mind is playing games with us.
    Do not doubt your goodness because you’re pure and even though we’ve sinned, we all learn from our mistakes.
    (:

    Thanks, Kyels. I’m mentally drained. Sometimes, my mind is totally blank. It’s not easy but I’m learning everyday that I have friends who truly cares for me.
    HUGS!

  2. azhan Says:

    no one is crazy. i remember my host brother in Alexandria once told me a great wisdom i stick to my brain until today; “If you’re crazy, you’re living”. Helping others for good causes are just noble things to do so just don’t stop it right there as people will apreciate it. If they don’t they will regret it later and end up biting their teeth. =)

    Hey! I must remember his words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
    I doubt very much that my-ex is having any regrets.

  3. Gallivanter Says:

    As Homer Simpson puts it, “I am not crazy. It’s the TV that’s crazy. Aren’t you, TV?”
    Being crazy is what keeps us sane… 🙂

    Haha.. Thanks, Dan. I needed that laugh. 😆

  4. zeroimpact Says:

    I feel the craziness
    There is no point to doubt yourself
    I don’t doubt you… I don’t think other should doubt you too
    You are what you are no one can doubt you unless you let them do it
    You are right as you are the truth and you can heal yourself…
    But of coz I am here to help you in healing
    Hugs my friend

    Thanks for your reassurance, my friend.
    HUGS!

  5. LM Says:

    Here’s a bouquet of sunflowers to cheer you up! 🙂

    *accepts with both hands*
    Thanks so much, LM. It’s not everyday that a man gives me flowers. HUGS!

  6. moz monster Says:

    I always thought a bit of a crazy streak in me keeps me sane and alive.
    Be yourself. Love yourself first and foremost, and you’ll be ok.

    I agree. As Daniel had said being crazy (in moderation, of course) is what keeps us sane. 😉
    I’ll be ok.. it’s just taking a lot longer than I thought.
    Thanks & HUGS!

  7. nyonyapenang Says:

    ya, indecision spurs craziness.
    fear spurs indecision
    the unknown spurs fear?????

    Kak, I wish I know the answer. 😦

  8. Fashionasia Says:

    aiyo girl….you’re doing fine….then u go on rewind mode again…
    “forget” remember?
    also you need to “let go”
    slowly but surely ok?!
    you can do it!

    I know.. I’m being a real goose. 😦
    I wanna forget & I wanna let go.. but it’s so hard.
    I know I can do it.. l just hope that day will be here soon.
    Thanks & HUGS!

  9. lx Says:

    i’m crazy waiting for your mail 😉

    OK. *looks guilty*

  10. lx Says:

    i’m going crazy waiting for your mail 😉

    OK. OK. *more guilty looks*

  11. lx Says:

    sorry for the double entry … wordpress was acting up. HUGS anyways heheh 😀

    Hehe.. No problem, my friend. HUGS! 😉


  12. Sane people scare me! 🙂

    Really??? LOL. 😆

  13. Lex Says:

    my bestfriend alwys told me.. since you are so insane, that’s what makes us feel sane 🙂

    Hahaha.. I bet you gave your craziest but sweetest smile when you heard that. 😀

  14. bodicea Says:

    You have my empathy : )
    Being crazy is also convicing yourself that everything is going to be alright, but you know that you don’t know that for sure because you know that the only one who can decide on the ending is you.
    And you just don’t want the responsibility this time.

    Welcome, Bodicea. 🙂

    When I’ve been blamed for the failure of the relationship, I was hurt so badly & my heart broken into pieces – hence the feeling of being crazy.


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