January 5, 2007


If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit.

But, if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly.

If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me, I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.

If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation…

– Adapted from Oscar Wilde’s De Profundis Part IV 

Personal Note: Last night I didn’t get to sleep at all. There were a thousand and one things on my mind. Amongst them, I was worried about a good friend who has started to build a wall around him. I supposed the better I know him, the less there is to say… or maybe, there’s less that needs to be said……

Painting: “Obscure Reflections” by Carrie Graber


11 Responses to “If..”

  1. nyonyapenang Says:

    the berlin wall come down too, ya.

    Haha.. ya.

  2. zeroimpact Says:

    There is nothing that hurts more to know that we can’t help the people around us, especially if it’s one that is close to us
    However there are always time when one needs to be alone, so don’t make assumptions. One will open up when one is ready. Until then support them with all your heart and might.
    Be patient as one may not be ready and when they are ready, they will come to you.

    Thanks for your kind words & advice, Matt.
    He knows that I’ll always be there for him.. regardless of when or where.

  3. sengkor Says:

    sometimes i build walls too when i need some time to myself..

    I can understand that.. but it makes me sad when what he actually needs now is to cross the bridge which has already been built.. It’s difficult for me to explain ‘cos I can’t & I won’t reveal anything in details out of trust, respect & confidentiality between me & him. I hope you understand.

    Thanks & much appreciation for your comment, Sengkor.

  4. Sha Says:

    Hugs. Just be there to catch him once the wall is broken down 🙂

    I will be. HUGS!

  5. Che-Cheh Says:

    Show your support even if he doesn’t want to share his sorrow… 😦

    I have & I always will..

  6. Kyels Says:

    Sometimes, when people are reluctant to share their sorrows, all you could do is to be there for them.

    I’ve had incidents that happened back home a week ago, with people who have known me for donkey years (friends); they slammed me without jurisdiction, not accepting me for who I am and ’cause of that I’ve started to build a fort around me too. Sometimes, you can’t help when there are too many things in your mind.

    Nevertheless, be there for your friend. She/He needs it at this point of time.

    Thanks for sharing own personal experiences, Kyels.
    Yep.. I’m here for my friend… now & always.

  7. endroo G Says:

    Kyels: I strong agree with you. Sometime we can’t help building fort when there are too many things in our mind.

  8. tihtahpah Says:

    when i am in a block or in dire straits, all i need is just sometimes to be alone or have frens to be around me and not ‘hover around’ me. means that i would probably have to figure things out myself alone and well, sometimes, different people deal with their problems differently. Some needs emotional support with constant counselling while others prefer to do some time alone figuring things out for themselves.

    Thanks for the advice.

  9. meekiee Says:

    Jem I second zeroimpact and Kyels on their comments.

    Hmm…some people just need more time to open up themselves. Hmmm…may not be the right time for them to talk. Just be there for them and I am sure you will reap what you sewed.

    Thanks & HUGS!

  10. Joycelyn Says:

    zeroimpact:i agree with u

    jemima,i know how it feels when you want to help but cant help or your help is not being welcomed.
    nowadays people tend to build the wall maybe to protect themselves cos they feel insecure,inconfident,not trustworthy,etc..and they dont know wat they want.i found tat this happens most to guys maybe the society has certain expectations from them,it causes the invisible pressure to them.
    i do come across this type of people n i do feel sad abt it.i show my support,i try to help,but then it becomes another pressure to them as i hv made them feel like they are “weak”.it is merely their own ego tat matters.so wat we can do is just PRAY for them as God will do the rest.

    Thank you & much appreciation for sharing your experiences & advice, Joycelyn.

  11. Lil Says:

    a steadfast presence would surely reminds your friend who he can confide in.

    as the french would say “bon courage, ma cherie” 🙂

    Thank you, Lil.


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