Express your Hurt

March 27, 2007

The surest way to become unhappy is to keep your hurt inside.

If there is a secret to mental health, this is it: tell the people who hurt you that they hurt you when they hurt you.

Hurt is the pain of the moment. Hurt is happening right now. Its cause is right in front of you. Hurt speaks for itself, motivating you to limit your pain.

Anxiety is pain in the future. It may happen, and then again, it may not. Anxiety inspires you to get out of the way of danger.

Withheld hurt turns into anger. Anger helps you to express your hurt by energizing you to protect yourself.

When you hold in hurt, you redirect your anger at yourself. Such inward anger is called guilt. It serves no positive purpose. It only makes you think of getting even, fills your head with bad thoughts, and erodes your self-confidence as you begin to doubt your goodness.

Obviously the only anger that makes sense is still attached to the hurt that caused it.

You need to learn to express your hurt as it happens.

Telling someone how he or she hurt you can be risky, because the person who hurt you is probably someone you care about.

What if the other person calls you “oversensitive” or tells you that your hurt is unimportant and doesn’t take your feelings seriously?

If the other person doesn’t care about your feelings, he or she doesn’t care about you. The sooner you know this, the better. Why waste more time?

What if the other person says he or she hurt you out of anger because of being hurt by you? It’s a good time to discover the truth, clear the air, and become friends again.

What if the other person can’t remember hurting you or simply denies that the hurtful event ever took place?

He or she may be telling the truth, because most people do not hurt others intentionally. When you are silent it is sometimes hard for others to recognize that you’ve been hurt.

Expressing your hurt sometimes puts your love or friendship on the line. It always tests your love for yourself.

It is always the right thing to do in any relationship that you value.

Express your hurt as simply and as directly as possible when you first notice it.

Tell the other person how you were hurt. You can mention that you are angry, but don’t display the anger or attack. That will only hurt the other person, who won’t be able to listen, making matters worse.

Whatever you do, don’t allow your hurt to age.

If you cannot express your hurt to another person, you cannot express your love, for old anger blocks positive feelings.

If you value your love, you need to express your hurt.

Holding in hurt is the way that love dies.


I show my hurt when I am hurt..

so I can feel love the rest of the time.


16 Responses to “Express your Hurt”

  1. Kyels Says:

    If you ever need to express your emotions, just do so. Pointless to keep it all in.


    I did, Kyels.

  2. merv Says:

    amen to that!


  3. Gallivanter Says:

    Well, I believe happiness belongs to those who hurt, wept, searched and tried – only they can treasure the value of people who have touched their lives. πŸ™‚

    Thanks, Dan. That’s my belief, too.

  4. tihtahpah Says:’s true that it hurts only when the person is someone that matters to you. i’m pretty oblivious to what others have to say.

    Thanks, Ttpah.
    Because that someone means so much to me, it hurts bad.

  5. Sha Says:

    Expressing one’s hurt needn’t be restricted to confiding in someone. It can be in an artwork, in writing etc etc πŸ™‚

    I write, Sha.

  6. ianfluenza Says:

    *tears* thanks Jemima… I needed this…

    You’re gonna be fine, Ian. *HUGS*

  7. Ashish C. Says:

    I’ll bear that in mind. Good timing. πŸ™‚

    Okie, Ashish.

  8. LX Says:

    expressions is a way of life … whether as an introvert or extrovert … it’s an individual’s choice and we just need to be aware of what works for us πŸ˜‰

    Yep, LX. It’s all up to oneself.

  9. Lex Says:

    It’s good you let it out, I’m sure it felt better *hugs*… especially when someone mean to you, the hurt is just more than ouch…

    Thanks, Lex.. He does mean a lot to me.. much more than he’ll ever know.

    *hugs back*

  10. Teh good thing about hurt is it only lasts as long as there is pain … um … er … πŸ™‚

    Some pain lasts a long time, Dabs.
    I know this one will.

  11. Lil Says:

    expression is good, just don’t overdo it? i wrote a big huge email to he-who-is-now-a-friend and i think i stumped him… he didn’t freak out though, since he’s still emailing me… he just never talk about *that* email…

    i feel better though after writing… πŸ˜‰

    Likewise he didn’t talk about *that* post. He texted me about it.

    Thanks for sharing, Lil.

  12. Which one? You’re not going to cause me pain are you? You know I’m allergic to pain.
    [Of course, Pain only lasts as long as it hurts … um … er … ] πŸ™‚

    Nah! I won’t cause you any pain. πŸ˜›

  13. EXCEL Says:

    im amazed.
    this is exactly how i feel today.
    but its hard to do that, expressing your hurt to somebody you love.
    for whatever reason, i cant.
    maybe i just need more time to reflect.
    thank you so much for this.
    i love it.
    its worth keepin’

    Thanks for dropping by. πŸ™‚
    I sincerely hope you’ll feel better soon.

  14. Candice Says:

    I hurt all the time day and night
    I do not know how to make it go away
    I am sad all the time I miss the people that I was so close to the either died or changed an i CANT TURN BACK TIME it really hurts and i am only young a teen I do not understand things I hurt so much that I do not feel anymore i ignore the pain a lot but i no its still there It feels like i gave up on everything i ever worked for please i do not understand i am in pain sometimes laying in bed in tears

    Thanks for dropping by & sharing your personal experiences, Candice.
    I am sorry to hear that you’re suffering so much.
    Maybe you should try to see your school counsellor for advice.
    You’re still so young.. there’s so much of life in front of you.. you should be enjoying it.

    Take care & God Bless.

  15. faa Says:

    its good if we can find somebody to share
    but most of the time, we are what we have
    so, its quite hard to start pouring our heart out when we used to keep it inside for so long
    perhaps someday i’ll find that somebody to share my heart ^_~
    till then, i’ll find my own way to ease the hurt that became so familiar in me
    anyway, thanx jemima. reading your blog is one of the way..

    You’ll be fine, Faa.

    Thanks for your compliments & it’s feedback from readers like you that inspires me to write on.


  16. kyriaki Says:

    i love a boy witch i’m not sure if he love me…..

    Why don’t you ask him, Kyriaki?

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