Express your Hurt
March 27, 2007
The surest way to become unhappy is to keep your hurt inside.
If there is a secret to mental health, this is it: tell the people who hurt you that they hurt you when they hurt you.
Hurt is the pain of the moment. Hurt is happening right now. Its cause is right in front of you. Hurt speaks for itself, motivating you to limit your pain.
Anxiety is pain in the future. It may happen, and then again, it may not. Anxiety inspires you to get out of the way of danger.
Withheld hurt turns into anger. Anger helps you to express your hurt by energizing you to protect yourself.
When you hold in hurt, you redirect your anger at yourself. Such inward anger is called guilt. It serves no positive purpose. It only makes you think of getting even, fills your head with bad thoughts, and erodes your self-confidence as you begin to doubt your goodness.
Obviously the only anger that makes sense is still attached to the hurt that caused it.
You need to learn to express your hurt as it happens.
Telling someone how he or she hurt you can be risky, because the person who hurt you is probably someone you care about.
What if the other person calls you “oversensitive” or tells you that your hurt is unimportant and doesn’t take your feelings seriously?
If the other person doesn’t care about your feelings, he or she doesn’t care about you. The sooner you know this, the better. Why waste more time?
What if the other person says he or she hurt you out of anger because of being hurt by you? It’s a good time to discover the truth, clear the air, and become friends again.
What if the other person can’t remember hurting you or simply denies that the hurtful event ever took place?
He or she may be telling the truth, because most people do not hurt others intentionally. When you are silent it is sometimes hard for others to recognize that you’ve been hurt.
Expressing your hurt sometimes puts your love or friendship on the line. It always tests your love for yourself.
It is always the right thing to do in any relationship that you value.
Express your hurt as simply and as directly as possible when you first notice it.
Tell the other person how you were hurt. You can mention that you are angry, but don’t display the anger or attack. That will only hurt the other person, who won’t be able to listen, making matters worse.
Whatever you do, don’t allow your hurt to age.
If you cannot express your hurt to another person, you cannot express your love, for old anger blocks positive feelings.
If you value your love, you need to express your hurt.
Holding in hurt is the way that love dies.
I show my hurt when I am hurt..
so I can feel love the rest of the time.